RANTSOFAMADMAN: STRAITJACKET MANIFESTO.

Just checkin' in....

Wow!!! Soooo...this is what my blog, looks like. Welllp... don't be alarmed. I'm stoppin' by to say "Hiya Doin'" And hope all is well with you Heathens. I'll be back soon. I'm livin' life...the way you forgot to.

True School.

My latest, and greatest inspirations.

 

 

Godfather of the Game.

 

Come see "Sugar Daddy" Go to www.tsquaredproductionschicago.com  for Tickets and details. Come see about me. I'll make ya proud.

Prelude to my madness.

*Reaches for Ipod. Scans to find "Cold wind blows" by Eminem. Presses play. Turns it wayyythahellup*

They say that, everyone has a talent. Some folks talents, are a bit more pronounced..like your Michael Jordans, Michael Jacksons, Dr.Mae Jemisons,and Jada Fire and Janet Jacme's

Then there those whose talents are a bit more hidden. like that outstanding piano player, at that one small church. Or that player on (Insert your sport here) that sits tha bench, half tha damn time, only to be used in those clutching moments. Or the girl I knew that lived on 155th and Lexington that...I wonder does she know now,that they would pay her money instead of a Popeye's chicken dinner for that "Talent" now?!?

AnyHoo...Then there are those,that have a talent, becoming someone  else.

To me..that's one of those things that's in between hidden and pronounced..(Seee...I can be deep. #That'sWhatSheSaid)

Ya see, in order to get up to do theatre,  film or a porno wit a (Insert your Favorite Ethnic Slur Here) named Brian Pumper, you have to call on your talent to assume another idenity. Although that talent is not somethin' you can wear on tha outside, it's still a  gem that very few people have tha wherewithal or tha courage to try.

Why you ask? ( I know, you did'nt ask sh!t) To become someone else takes being very, very, vulnerable. Some folks don't any part of that. With every person you become, it shaves a part of you away. (I had to high as Giraffe Punanni, to come up wit dat)

 

This is what I do though. I immerse myself  into being other people, because it's comfortable for me, it helps me to effectively communicate wit tha voices in my head. (I think they used Rosetta Stone, to teach them Swahili)

Seee..boy and girls, takin' a negative (mentally unstable) and turnin' it into a positive (Compellin' actor sh!t) can turn a hidden talent into a pronounced talent.

Now.. if you'll excuse me, I have my preshow ritual to do.

*Grabs Bag of Harold's Chicken, Spreads hot sauce on it, and begins to eat. Presses PLAY on DVD remote. Starts to count how many "Azz pock marks" Montana Fishburne has on her azz. Finishes eatin'. Quietly Masturbates. TIME ELAPED: 2 hours Later. Sleepin' wit thumb in mouth.*

It's gonna be a great show.

 

 

Cue..Tha theme from "Good Times"...

Don't ever let it be said that, I don't live up to my "Mentally disturbed" moniker. This is a test. for tha next couple of minutes, this will be tha test of  "Matt's curiosity is a Muh phucka" system...This is only a test.

 

- How come in tha summer time, tha hotter it gets, tha more people die...from GUNSHOTS?!?

- How come, in tha summer time, tha hotter it gets, tha more women like to wear those sheer blouses..wit a bra, that should only be used for wipin' off a counter top or some sh!t?!?

- How come Niglets (Ya like that one?) still insist on buyin' Chrome wheels... and you live in a STUDIO apartment?!?

- How come I noticed that some hispanics are as dark as african americans?!? That's not fair! We had this "slave" look  first!

- How come a (Insert your favorite ethnic slur here) can spend Four to Five THOUSAND dollars on a sound system for a CAR... but your child can't get four to five dollars from ya?!? ( Those offended at that statement..wait for it...wait for it...

 

- Ladies..how come some of you can have beautiful SYNTHETIC hair (Lacefront for tha Hoodrat challenged) And top notch nails, but your child is still sportin' tha clothes you got from another baby mother?!? And why is your answer, to said question will always be "His/Her daddy don't give me no money"

 

- NOTE: Those offended at tha above statements, can reach me at mayhemm09@gmail.com  but that would require you to have some basic sense, God gave geese. (That statment just eliminated all but TWO folks, and they're still in between sentences....sheesh) Now, back to our regularly scheduled test.

 

- What is tha facination wit Hispanic folks, lettin' their little girls, dress up in "Sunday Best" dresses and Soccer shoes?!?

- Do hispanic guys have to put spoilers on EVERY phuckin' car they own?!? Does tha car always have to look like it came wit a "Hot Wheels" racetrack?!?

- Can we reeeally tell when a Asian person stutters,  in their own language?!? (Contemplate that for a moment)

- Do you think, if you eat a grapefruit, before ya masturbate, you'd squirt yourself in tha eye?!?

 

This concludes our test. If this was an actual rant, you would have advised me , to go to hell, and never visit me again. Teee muh Phuckin' Hee.

 

FIND ME.  mayhemm09@gmail.com   www.twitter.com/mayhemm09   www.facebook.com/matt.lloyd3   www.mayhemm09-rantsofamadman.blogspot.com  Oh yeah... www.mayhemm09.wordpress.com 

 

Tha Phuck-it list...

Well...   I had a series of nondescript visions today. (Do I get "Street Cred" for bein' a *Insert Favorite wording for Black or African American ethinic slur here* writer, for using tha word nondescript?) One of those visions was tha usual cautionary tale of, life's too short.  (Not tha song, Ghetto vermin,I mean that sayin' that we all use. *Shakes head like a Republican*)

Wit that in mind, I wanted to come up wit my own...errrrr...uhhhh...Phuck- it list. Basically it's sh!t I wanna do, that I reeeally could give Tommy Two Sh!ts,  if ya approve or not. (I know. Arrogant *Insert  favorite Uppidy Negro Slur here*.)

AGAIN...ya know me. there's no rhyme or reason to my madness/ranting/possible institutionalization of these thoughts. Here goes somethin'.

- I wanna be loved. (And not always have to ask for change, when she dances for me.)

- I want gang members to take marksmanship classes, so they can hurry up and kill themselves quicker. (Note: Classes would mean that, they would hit tha intended target, spare innocent bystanders, thus expediting tha eradictation of Muh Phuckas, who just don't get it.)

-  I would like to eat a pint of ice cream, and not have to sit on tha toilet so long, where I, write some of my posts on my laptop. (Most of my"Quality" musings come from where I have, As Dave Atell puts it "Tha perfect storm of sh!ts." Me and Oreo ice cream don't blend well.)

- I wanna be free - The Ohio Players.

- I wanna look up all tha women I ever did it wit in high school, and show them what I learned. That I added an extra Four to Five seconds to my "Routine" (Oh yeah...and my tongue is flatter.)

- I wanna make a Prequel to tha play "The Vagina Monologues" called  "Penis: The Helen Keller part of my body" (Too soon to put Helen Keller in a reference. *Puts up middle finger*)

- I wanna thank an old Chi-Town magazine that used to be out, back in tha day. It showed me that I needed to Phuck wit "Spell Check"  If I plan to publish sh!t #ChiTownTriviaWhichMagazineWasIt?

- I want to break free. - Queen.

- I wanna find a woman who collects as much porn, as I allgedly collect. (And I will wife her, and then divorce her. Due to  our collections will be tha equivalent of Crack.)

- I wanna people to know, that it's okay to be a little touched. Unless it was a relative that "Touched" you, then it's a felony.

 

There ya have it. Now if you'll excuse me, I ate some Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey, and may have my own oil spill. (It's Groundhoggin"!!!!! )

 

 

 

mayhemm09@gmail.com www.twitter.com/mayhemm09

www.facebook.com/matt.lloyd3

I make chemical imbalance look good.

*Takes penis out of  "Slow" woman (She works at White Castle, where they met.) Wipes his "member" gently wit damp towel. Puts on robe*

Now, I realize that i'm a little touched. (kinda like that one "Uncle" in tha family, you don't want tha kids around. OR tha other "Uncle" that had a guest shot on "To Catch A Predator") I know this. I accept my "Mental Illness", as those around me put it.

Wit that said, I'll start on why, tha sh!t I touch upon, is just my personality. YES...My interests are food, theatre, unique literature, masturbating at an alarming rate, Women wit Daddy/low self-esteem/Look like me as a tranney issues. (Could explain tha masturbating sooo much. I'm in love wit me.) Not to phuckin' mention...I'm that spaced tha phuck out, to have THREE damn blog sites. (I Believe that, I have at least THREE distinct views, thus I got THREE damn sites. Case damn closed.)

 

Tha last paragraph has me lookin' like a train wreck, and that look is about right. Now what about you? A lot of folks out here in tha internets, would have ya believe that they're that coo - coo for coca puffs. When in essence, they just mask shi!t reeeally well.

Yeah.. some can talk a good game about their exploits, but don't do so well in public. Some can only "Do Crazy" when cameras are rollin', or someone presses Record. My demons show up, when THEY want to. Some have their demons on a leash. (How/Where tha phuck they do dat at?!?)

There's only a handful of folks that make "Crazy" look goood. the rest...Not so much. And tha folks who do, we seem to find/relate/authenticate each other.

I guess my next question would be, to those that don't do "Crazy" well...Why would you wanna be "Us"?!? This life is a series of misjudgements/miscaclulations/pain/confusion and eventually, possibly bein' institutionalized.  If that's your cup of tea, drink tha hell up. If not, be your normal phuckin' self.

Normal aint bad. You're here to keep "Chemically Imbalanced" folk like myself, from hurtin' ourselves/bangin' other "Chemically Imbalanced" folk , so we don't have  babies, that remind ya azz of tha movie "Splice".

Pickin' crazy folk, to other crazy folk, is like havin' GayDar...Sure, they'll be times when 1 or 2 will get by us . But,  "We"  know our people.

 

DISCLAMER: Don't try bein' "Chemically Imbalanced" at home. I'm a professional.

Now, If you'll excuse me... I gotta get my "Special" girl cleaned up, get her bus fare, and get her to White Castle before her shift starts, and her social worker calls about her.

 

mayhemm09@gmail.com    twitter.com/mayhemm09   facebook.com/matt.lloyd3 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hey..This sh!t aint half bad...

Hold up dammit. As much as I don't like how Hip Hop has become a Bastard's market, I'm startin' to come around to SOME of this sh!t out. Call me a period (Because I'm late.) but this sh!t here, is kinda catchy. Hell.. what tha hell do I know? En-Phuckin-joy. One love goin' out to tha man, Keith Hampton. (He Directed that Tommy Bottoms joint.)

I stay Ignorant...with a catch.

There's a good reason why stay pharmaceutically subdued. (On that sh!t.) There's also a good reason why. I don't discuss social issues that much. It's not because of those times, I spent in detention/juvenile court/academic probation, where I did'nt take to book learnin' so well. And it's not because, social issues are lost on me. Simply put, I'd rather dwell in my ignorance.

I stand by that because, anything that's media/people driven, seems to take it upon themselves, to drive bein' socially conscious, into tha ground. Instead of us letting tha initial issue propel us into action/response, we dilute it, we magnify it, we drag sh!t out until it loses effect. All we're sometimes left with is, rehashing painful and in some cases, irrelevant sh!t.


There's a difference between raising awareness/Call to action, and raising awareness/Using this issue/moment, to further jaded azz agendas.

This blog sh!t is becomin' re-phuckin-dicluous. I love that people have a forum in which they can express their views, so on and so forth. BUT...every one in a while, before ya hit "Publish", Read them sentences over again. Yes, you're entitled to your opinion, and tha right to express it. But don't keep expressin' sh!t, without tellin' me why you're expressin' it.

Media now, has become tha equivalent of vomit. It keeps givin' me tha same "Food" time and time again. Sometimes I get it more than Three times a day, different rations, different added ingredients for "Flavor". Once in a  while, those contents are either too much, or too "Rich" for our system..and what do we do then?!? (Think of drinkin' too much Brown liquor wit nachos and a greasy pork chop sammich....seee.)


Media is a monster of its own. You can't  regulate nor kill it. But you can "Regulate" your diet to just facts at hand. Stop phuckin' wit tha frenzy.

That brings me, to... Me. I give you my nasty azz exploits, not to shock and awe, but to laugh to keep from cryin'. If my self medicatin', masturbatin' fellatio cravin, ghetto intelligencia can help you forge on wit your day, after tha death and destruction, then Eff it, i'm ya (Insert Ethinc Slur Here.)

Trust me, my exploits are like chinese food. A little from column A, a little from Column B. but I'm here to get my therapy on, as well as make ya giggle.

So, don't think for a minute I don't know tha world is goin' to hell in a Ferrari, wit a whole in tha gas tank. I CHOOSE to be ignorant. And sometimes, we gotta embrace tha bliss.

Now, If you would excuse me, I finally found a woman, who would dress up like Prince, and let me do her. #Don'tKnockItTilYouTryIt. Smooches (Insert Popular name for female canines here.)



mayhemm09@gmail.com    twitter.com/mayhemm09    facebook.com/matt.lloyd3      

Random bouts of insane.

Maybe it's the Haloperidol wearin'off, or tha 6 pack of Tecate I took wit tha Haloperidol, but I got some itchy sh!t on tha brain. These are'nt in any particular order. This is...ahh eff it. Enjoy.

#Random: Fellas..Have you ever cut one finger off your suede gloves, put it on your penis and pretend you bought your penis a suede pull over? (Works wit leather too. It's more chic.)

#Random: I once dated a woman, who was a Vegan. While havin' lunch one day she stated "Don't kiss me after you eat that hamburger. I can't stand that meat taste" Now, I don't have a problem wit that. BUT, I had just chimney swept her  Va Jay Jay wit my tongue, and kissed her afterwards.  BUT, she had a problem wit me havin' cheeseburger breath?!?

#Random: Who's gonna take care of all tha caucasian babies,  if they come up wit new laws to keep brown folks out of tha country? See...Black folks did it for tha first couple of centuries, now its time for us, to pass tha torch to tha brown folks.

#Random: Am I tha only one that Masturbates, and gets a "Ice Cream Headache/ Brain freeze" sometimes?

#Random: Why do some of the american people confuse our president wit bein' a male version of "Glenda tha good Witch" from The Wiz?!? Look,  he can only do so much. Sure..He's gonna make some miscues. And sure, he's gonna have some success. BUT.. stop thinkin' he's gonna appear to you phucks and say "Click ya heels  3 times, and this sh!t is over"

#Random: I think me and Rodney Allen Rippy were separated at birth. (Google him children.) If so, I want some of that "Jack In The Box" money sonnnn!!!

#Random: Ya ever notice that,  if some people have to show you what they do, they must not be that good at it in tha first place? (Yeah...i'm on that Socrates sh!t today sonnn...)

#Random: Why do some women ride that fine line between prostitution and relationship nowdays? (Send all "Phuck You" mail to mayhemm09@gmail.com  )

#Random: Why are people so brave when e-mailin'/textin' etc...but can't pick up the damn phone (When applicable) and communicate?!?

#Random: Fellas have you ever just asked for a hand job, only because you knew gettin' anything else would require too much work?

#Random: Ladies..Have you ever gave a guy some tail, just to shut his azz up?

#Random: I went to see a friend's kid in a high school musical. Now...is it me or is bein' gay at an early age becomin' more trendy?!? Look..If you're gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, into Hamsters and Ferrets, That's fine. If that's your walk in life, I support it. (AGAIN...Send all "Phuck You Matt" mail to mayhemm09@Gmail.com ) What i'm sayin' is that, I never really seen such an outbreak of wantin'to be gay, when I was in high school. I mean...sh!t we knew some folks were gonna go that way, but they waited after high school. Now... high schoolers look like they're in fashion shows sponsored by Kanye West and Rupaul wit a side of Rihanna.

*Reaches for damp towel.* And now if you'll excuse me, I have Bukakke session to get to. Hopefully, i'll miss her hair this time.






mayhemm09@gamil.com    twitter.com/mayhemm09  facebook.com/matt.lloyd3 

Be Afraid. Be Effin ' Afraid.

IT'S HERE!...IT HERE! TURN THIS ISH ON 10!!!!


[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCRz1kGfo7Q&hl=en_US&fs=1&]


AND THENNNNN......



[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbHw7YrujKU&hl=en_US&fs=1&]



AND I'M SPENT.



FACEBOOK.COM/MATT.LLOYD3    TWITTER.COM/MAYHEMM09   

MAYHEMM09@GMAIL.COM